Dear Mary,
My mother has been diagnosed with cancer and my father, who has dementia, went to an assisted living home for what was to be a short stay when she had surgery. She is now receiving treatment and we do not know what the outcome will be. Since she is his primary caregiver, the family has decided he should stay there permanently. My father is aware that she is ill but does not know about the diagnosis. He is always asking about going home. I am wondering how much I should tell him.
Dear Reader,
I am sorry to hear about your mother’s condition and hope she has a full recovery. What is important right now is that your father is in a safe environment while your mother concentrates on getting better. How much he understands and his ability to cope will determine how much you can tell him. If he is anxious, you may just want to tell him that his wife is still ill and needs more time to recover. If he understands and asks more in depth questions, you can tell him the truth and reassure him that she’s receiving good care and will visit when she is able. Keep repeating the same answer as often as necessary and be sure to tell the staff what is going on so they can comfort and reassure him.
Dear Mary,
For the past three years my mother has lived with me. In the last 2 months she has gone from being independent to needing twenty-four hour supervision. She has had an extensive workup and one of her diagnoses is Lewy Body Dementia. I have nursing assistants coming in twelve-hours a day while I am at work and I cover nights and weekends. At the rate this is going her money will only provide four more months of care. Is the only option a nursing home? Should I apply for Medicaid now? My father was a veteran but she receives too much income to qualify for Aid and Attendance benefits. What other options do I have? I have to work full time to provide income and benefits for me and my disabled husband. I live in Anne Arundel County and any suggestions you have would be very much appreciated.
Dear Reader,
If you have not been in contact with the Department of Aging and Disabilities (410-222-4464) I urge you to call as soon as possible. A level of care assessment should be done through the Adult Evaluation and Review Service (AERS) before making any decisions. This assessment may be able to provide you with options other than nursing home. By looking at her finances, the nurse or social worker can determine if she qualifies for services such as Community Care Partnership which provides case management and in-home help on a limited basis. If your mother meets the level of care for adult day care there is grant money available through the non-profit Woods Adult Day Center in Millersville (410-987-0360). Ask to speak to Kimberly.
The other organization to contact is the Alzheimer's Association (1-800-443-2273). They have a sliding scale grant program to reimburse for money spent on care.
Because your mother's condition is rapidly deteriorating, you may want to consider getting a Hospice consult. If she meets their criteria, Medicare will pay for Hospice care in the home - but again, it is not 24-hours a day.
According to the Department of Social Services Long-Term Care division (410-269-4500 X 4539), the first step for nursing home placement is finding a home that will take your mother then calling them to request an application. Guidelines state that the care-receiver cannot have more than $2500.00 in assets and must be medically qualified - hence the AERS assessment is essential. Keep in mind that there is now a five year financial look-back.
You are under a great deal of stress and I hope you are paying attention to your needs, too. In the caregiver-care receiver scenario you are number one. Without you what will happen to your loved ones?
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