23 Sep 2007
Dear Readers,
A few weeks ago I responded to a mother asking how to explain dementia to her young children. I recommended two books and now want to recommend another. The Magic Tape Recorder: A Story about Growing Up and Growing Down, by Grandma Joyce (Joyce Simard, M.S.W) is a delightful intergenerational book that demystifies Alzheimer’s disease and identifies everyday activities for children to use when interacting with dementia-affected people. It can be ordered through the website www.grandmajoyce.com.
Dear Mary,
I recently put my mother in a nursing home. I have two children ages ten and eight and a home business. She lived with me for ten months and it was very difficult. My mother has had diabetes for over thirty years and lost most of her sight about eight years ago. Her hearing is poor and last year she was diagnosed with vascular dementia. On top of all this she now has stage 4 kidney failure. She will need dialysis soon and I’ll be asked to sign the consent form. I am conflicted about what to do. Do you have any words of wisdom to help me make this decision?
Dear Reader,
Diabetes has been called "the disease of rapid aging" because of its global effect on the body. It causes fragile blood vessels and diminished circulation to vital organs, like the kidneys, and is the number one reason for dialysis in this country. Dialysis cannot cure your mother’s kidney failure nor will it cure her dementia or diabetes, but it can prolong her life.
In order to make the decision for or against it you need to read her health care advance directive. This form designates a health care agent (usually a family member or trusted friend) to follow her instructions as they appear in the directive when she can no longer make health care decisions for herself. If she does not have one, you will be asked to make these decisions as her next of kin. In order to do this you must know the truth about her prognosis and quality of life with and without dialysis. Make an appointment with her doctor and get as much information as you can, including the risks involved with dialysis.
Making health care decisions for a love one is not easy. Emotions get in the way and the need to hang on to them in life clouds the issue of what is best for them. You know your mother and most likely already know what she would decide if she were able. See life from her point of view.
Dear Mary,
My mother, who recently died, lived in an assisted living home for several years. We never sold her house and are now trying to get it ready for sale. It is full of old furniture, baskets, clothing, and the like that has accumulated over a lifetime. My husband and I are overwhelmed with the thought of trying to figure out what is worth keeping, selling, or giving away. To be truthful, we are both in our seventies and no longer have the energy to do it. Where do we start?
Dear Reader,
Visit any grocery store, library, senior center, or the Department of Aging and Disabilities and get your hands on the Services for Seniors directory. Look up “Relocation Assistance” in the Resources section to find companies that inventory, organize, auction, and donate contents of homes. Their services are invaluable and your money will be well spent to let someone else take on this enormous task.
Mary C. Fridley RN, BC
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