21 Oct 2007
Dear Mary,
I hope you can help me. My seventy-eight year old mother lives alone. She has always been a very negative person who complains about everything. Since my father died three years ago her mood has become worse. I would love for her to move to senior housing to be able to make friends and socialize but she will not even consider it. Her doctor suspects she has a long history of depression and wants her evaluated by a psychiatrist. When I told her, she went off on a verbal tirade of denial saying “I’m not crazy”. Now I am getting the silent treatment. I would love to see my mother happy for once in her life. What can I do to get her to see a psychiatrist?
Dear Reader,
Not much. Your mother has the right to refuse treatment and, as long as she is competent to make her own decisions, you cannot force her to comply.
People with long depression know no other way of functioning and see their behavior as normal. The best you can do is to accept her as she is - but not give up on her. Let her know you love her and continue to encourage her to participate in social activities. Hopefully, she will realize what she is missing and accept help.
Dear Mary,
My friend and her husband moved to Maryland a year ago. Shortly after their move he was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I try to be a sounding board for her but feel inadequate to help. Can you suggest any resources that could help her cope with this terrible situation?
Dear Reader,
The American Cancer Society (ACS) has a wealth of information to educate and empower caregivers. I spoke to “Michele” at the 24-hour ACS hotline (800-227-2345) and was told they not only have caregiver support groups that meet, but also ones available on-line and by phone. Please tell your friend to call them today.
In a life altering situation such as this, it is not uncommon for someone to experience “anticipatory grief”: foreseeing life without the person and a future lost. Therefore, I feel your friend would also benefit from talking to a mental health counselor. Have her call her primary care physician for a referral.
She is very fortunate to have you as a friend. Bless you for caring.
Dear Mary,
I read with interest in The Maryland Gazette about National Family Caregiver Support Program funds and wonder if I may be eligible. My 71 year-old husband is permanently disabled from a severe hemorrhagic stroke and I am his sole worn-out caregiver. Anything you can advise me of is deeply appreciated.
Dear Reader,
The National Family Caregiver Support Program (NFCSP) is funded by the Older Americans Act and administered by the Maryland Department of Aging. State eligibility requirements read, “No minimum age for caregivers; care receivers must be age 60 and older. For respite and supplemental services, care recipients must need assistance in two or more activities of daily living or have a diagnosis of dementia or related disorder, and/or require supervision.” Although its focus is to help those with limited income, there is no income requirement. There is a second part to NFCSP that targets grandparents age 60 or older who are “…primary caregivers for grandchildren or other related children under eighteen living in the grandparent’s home”. They, too, are eligible for funds or services.
So, by definition of the first part, you are eligible. My advice is to call the Department of Aging and Disabilities’ Family Caregiver Program (410-222-4464) for more information.
Another thought is, if your loved one has not had an AERS (Adult Evaluation and Review Service) assessment, you should call the Department and schedule one. This valuable assessment may determine you and your husband are eligible for other services, too.
Mary C. Fridley RN, BC
| 
