7 Oct 2007
Dear Mary,
I want to thank you for all your help. My mother died recently from dementia and for two years I was a stressed-out caregiver. I looked forward to reading your columns knowing that I would gain knowledge and strength from them. Because of you I was able to make some difficult decisions and can look back on that time with few regrets. I just wish you had been around twenty years ago when she was caring for her mother.
Dear Reader,
Thank you for your kind words. You have my deepest sympathy for the loss of your mother.
Dear Mary,
How do I tell people my husband has dementia? He is only sixty-seven years old and was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. I am struggling with this because he acts so normal in public and I don’t think anyone will believe me. At home he forgets and repeats things and can be very argumentative, especially when I correct him. I have tried to discuss it with his daughter (this is the second marriage for both of us), but she says I’m just looking for trouble. I love him very much and it breaks my heart to see him like this. I feel so alone.
Dear Reader,
Please know you are not alone. According to the Family Caregiver Alliance (FCA) National Center on Caregiving, you are one of 8.9 million people in the United States caring for someone with dementia. Sadly, unlike other serious diseases, dementia is socially unacceptable in some people’s minds. When someone has a life threatening illness like cancer there is an out-pouring of sympathy and offers of help. Dementia on the other hand sends people running for the hills due to fear and misinformation. The more knowledge you have about the disease, the more empowered you will be to answer questions and face daily challenges. The Alzheimer’s Association is a valuable resource for information that hosts caregiver support groups to help you on your journey. Contact them at 1-800-443-2273 or on the web at www.alz.org. I am sure you know that bad news has a habit of spreading quickly. You need only tell a few close friends who will tell others. When people call you, tell them the truth and ask for their support.
Family, on the other hand, is a different story. The best solution I know for making your step-daughter a believer is to visit her for a few days so she can witness her father’s behaviors first hand.
Dear Mary,
I took my mother to see a gastroenterologist because she complains of stomach pain and nausea after eating. The doctor placed her on a dairy and lactose free diet and ordered a CAT scan with intravenous contrast. When making the appointment I mentioned to the radiology department that my mother was allergic to the IV contrast and was told it is not a problem; they will pre-medicate her with two drugs to prevent an allergic reaction. Mary, my mother is in her nineties and frail and I am conflicted about what to do. I know she needs relief but I fear she will have a bad reaction to these drugs. What should I do?
Dear Reader,
Looking at the situation objectively, there are two choices: 1) Do the testing and hope she does not react to the medications or 2) Try the diet for a couple of weeks to see if lactose intolerance is causing the problem. If you choose the diet route and it does not work, she can go on to have the CAT scan. Keep in mind, though, that if her pain or nausea increases she should be taken to the emergency room of the closest hospital.
Present your mother with these two options and let her decide. After-all, it is her health and well-being we are talking about.
Mary C. Fridley RN, BC
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