25 Mar 2007
The Caregivers Corner – March 25, 2007
Dear Mary,
My mother is taking me right over the edge. She is worst than a child, following me around and constantly asking questions. Even when I go into the bathroom she opens the door and says, “Oh you're in there, I’ve been looking for you”. She is rapidly becoming more and more confused and has no idea what day it is. On Sunday she was looking for the mail and I reminded her that the mail does not come on Sunday. Then ten minutes later she asked if she got any mail. She is also dropping things from pills to the brand new TV remote control - which broke. Yesterday I was ready to cry. It would not be so bad if these things happened every once in a while, but it is every minute of the day. I know her vision and hearing are getting worse and understand that she is frightened, but the confusion really has me upset. What can I do to help her and relieve my stress?
Dear Reader,
Although your mother’s sensory deficits contribute to her confusion I am concerned about the speed of her cognitive decline. Please have her checked as soon as possible for a medical cause - my money is on a urinary tract infection. I also suggest you seek respite care to relieve your stress. Hire someone to come into the home or let her attend a day program. It is healthy to have time away from each other. Read on.
Dear Mary,
I am having a very difficult time deciding what I should do. My husband is in the second stage of Alzheimer’s disease and everyone, including my doctor, is telling me I need to get help with his care. I have looked into home care but I do not feel comfortable having a stranger in my house. A friend of mine suggested Adult Day Care and although it sounds like just the right thing, the thought makes me feel guilty. I am also concerned he will not want to go. What should I do?
Dear Reader,
Guilt is inherent to caregiving and can affect overall health and well-being. The biggest hurdle for you is letting go and trusting others with your husband’s care. One way to do this is to look at the situation from an objective point of view. Your husband once had a life filled with friends and activities. Is it fair that he be isolated now? Also consider results from studies that show the progression of the disease can be slowed by keeping the person socially active.
Initially, expect him to give you a hard time about going to a day program. This is due to his inability to make sense of if it and the fear of the unknown. However, be patient and confident that you are doing the right thing. I have seen the same scenario many times and after a few weeks the person becomes acclimated and even looks forward to going.
Please give it a try. You would be doing him a world of good and you will reap the benefits from time off.
Dear Mary,
My husband is coping with some form of frontal temporal lobe dementia (FTD). Early on he expressed a desire to speak with others who have the disease and although I located a support group for early-onset Alzheimer's patients, he quickly made excuses not to go. He really likes it when I read to him from an internet journal kept by a Canadian woman named Mary McKinlay who also has the disease. I thought others who are dealing with this type of dementia might find it helpful, too. Her website is http://www.simplesite.com/MotherMary/2926947.
Dear Reader,
Thank you for this great resource. I am very impressed with it and hope others will be too.
Mary C. Fridley RN, BC
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