1 Jul 2007
Dear Mary,
Please tell me what to do. My 74 year-old mother suffers from heart disease and is in the hospital again with dehydration. This time her doctor says she cannot return home to live alone. She resides in another state and I would like her to come live with me. However, she is adamant about staying in her home town to be near her friends. My brother thinks she would do fine in assisted living, but I worry because neither he nor I will be there to check up on her. Should I insist she come live with me?
Dear Reader,
No, you should not. Although I am sure you would provide her with a loving home, I doubt she would be grateful to you for uprooting and isolating her from her friends. I think your brother has the right idea and you should look at assisted living facilities in her home town. Call the Elder Care Locator (1-800-677-1116) for the number of the Area Agency on Aging in your mother’s area to get a list of homes. I also suggest you hire a geriatric care manager to over-see her care. This person can be your eyes, ears, and mouth and will maintain routine contact with you. You can find one by contacting the National Association of Professional Geriatric Care Managers, Inc.520-881-8008. at www.caremanger.org or
Dear Mary,
I want to tell you about my experience. I was my husband’s caregiver twenty-four hours a day for the three years I could keep him home. After cancer surgery he was admitted to a nursing facility to get stronger, but that never happened. I am a registered nurse and saw so many things not done, or done incorrectly, and few of the staff seemed to care. Knowing I had to be his advocate, I went to be with him at different times of the day so the staff would not know when to expect me. I have felt so guilty about not being able to bring him home but my health is poor and, had I brought him home, I feared my children would be without either parent.
Thank you for letting me share this and for your very interesting articles in the paper.
Dear Reader,
You are welcome and thank you for taking the time to write. I hope it eases your guilt to know you made the right decision for all the right reasons and you did not abandon your husband; you were there for him as his loving wife and advocate.
I encourage everyone to report care deficiencies immediately to the nurse manager who can facilitate change. If this approach does not work, families should go up the chain of command even to the level of ombudsman (410-222-4464). All residents deserve good care and the only way to improve it is to expect the best then react when it is deficient. It is also important to thank the staff when a job is done well. They work hard and need to know they are appreciated.
Dear Mary,
Where can I get information about Lewy Body Dementia? My father is diagnosed with it and I have never heard of it.
Dear Reader,
Lewy Body Dementia is one of the many progressive dementias that affect thinking and functioning in older adults. It is the second most common one after Alzheimer’s disease and produces signs and symptoms of both Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s disease. It gets its name from the early twentieth century researcher Friederich H. Lewy who discovered protein deposits (called Lewy bodies) in the brains of people who died from Parkinson’s disease. The Lewy Body Dementia Association, Inc. ( www.lewybodydementia.org) and the Alzheimer’s Association ( www.alz.org) are good resources for information.
Mary C. Fridley RN, BC
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