8 Apr 2007
Dear Mary,
I had an experience with a doctor who missed an abnormal result on a blood test. I knew something was wrong but only discovered it after I requested a copy of the lab report. I hope you will print this letter as a warning to others to always ask for a copy of any tests because they will not be offered voluntarily.
Dear Reader,
I agree that all lab and other medical test results should be discussed and made available. People need to be vigilant about their health as well as savvy consumers. My attitude about test results is this: I paid for them thus I am entitled to see them and get a copy. The health care provider has the right to charge for copying and postal costs. If your request is denied, it is time to find a new provider. And, if you are caring for a loved one, be sure to fill out the HIPAA release of information form.
Dear Mary,
My parents died within six months of each other and I took care of them for five years. After my father past away I was focused on my mother’s care and did not have time to properly grieve. Now that she, too, is gone, I do not know what to do with myself. I loved them very much and feel honored to have had the opportunity to care for them in their elder years. I have a very supportive husband and two great adult children but I feel useless and empty. Caregiving is all I’ve done for five years. How do I move from that role to being a normal person again?
Dear Reader,
Please accept my condolences on the loss of your parents. Grieving is normal and you must allow yourself to experience it in order to move on – and grief counseling can help with this process
I hope it is also helpful to you to look at the situation from this perspective: you gave your parents the gift of caring for them and now they are giving you one - the opportunity to get on with your life. Cherish the memories. Your parents will always be in your heart.
Dear Mary,
I read your column in The Capital and hope you have an answer for me. My elderly aunt lives in her own home and receives social security and a pension. She was recently hospitalized after a fall and is now home but having difficulty moving about. Her son lives with her but isn't much help. Her daughter lives a long distance away and feels overwhelmed dealing with her mother’s legal, medical and financial problems.
My husband and I are seniors and, due to his poor health, cannot be much help. I have made suggestions about getting nursing care in the home, but so far they haven't done it. I fear my aunt is suffering from neglect but do not want to precipitate a family crisis by intruding. She is, after all, their mother and their responsibility. There isn't much money available and I suspect that my Aunt’s income is supporting everyone.
Is there any hope for straightening out this mess and getting home care for this poor lady? Thank you for any help you may be able to give.
Dear Reader,
The quickest way to get help for a vulnerable older adult you suspect is being neglected is to call Adult Protective Services. You can do this anonymously, but if you give your name rest reassured it will remain confidential. Use the Eldercare Locator (1-800-677-1116 or www.eldercare.gov) to find the agency in your Aunt’s area.
I also suggest that you encourage her children to contact the Area Agency on Aging for information about services to help relieve caregiver stress and attend to their mother’s needs. This number, too, can be accessed through the Eldercare Locator.
Do not give up; your Aunt is fortunate to have you as her advocate.
Mary C. Fridley RN, BC
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