Dear Mary,
I would like to go to my family reunion but I’m worried about my husband. He has dementia and loses his temper very easily. He yells at me and even strangers. Although I know it will be difficult to take him, it is also difficult to leave him behind. Right now he is attached to me and frets when I leave the room. Our daughter seems to be the only one he listens to. She has graciously offered for him to stay with her so I can go.
We’ve been married many years and have always traveled together. It is a five hour flight to the reunion and I worry how he will act on the plane. If I go alone, what should I tell him about my absence? I’m afraid he will insist on coming with me if I tell him the truth. My daughter said to tell him I’m going on a trip with “the girls” and no men are allowed. What do you think?
Dear Reader,
I think you are blessed to have such a loving clever daughter and should take her up on her offer. His dementia precludes either of you from having a good time. Leave him in the secure company of your daughter and go enjoy the reunion – you deserve this.
Dear Mary
I would like to share something a wise friend told me: you must schedule time for fun. My experience has been that caregivers get so caught up in their duties that they forget how to have fun.
Dear Reader,
A wise friend she is indeed. I hope everyone takes her advice to heart. As the saying goes, “All work and no play make Jack a dull boy”. It’s important to come up for air and take the time to nurture the kid inside.
Dear Mary,
My husband has always paid the bills but suddenly he is obsessed with it. He was diagnosed with dementia and cannot handle this task anymore. Every time a bill comes in he rushes to write a check – even for the ones that are automatically withdrawn from our checking account. The checks he writes are incorrect and I spend a lot of time correcting his mistakes. What can I do?
Dear Reader,
You have to intercept the bills before he sees them.If you can’t beat him to the mailbox, you may have to arrange for them to be delivered to a Post Office box. Allow all other mail to be delivered as usual so he can continue to look forward to the daily routine of getting the mail.
Dear Mary,
Is weight loss normal with Alzheimer’s disease? I make sure my mother eats but she’s still losing weight.
Dear Reader,
Yes, in the later stage. Earlier, it is attributed to not eating well, using up more calories than consumed (like through pacing), medication side-effects, or a medical problem. If weight loss is caused by too few calories consumed or too many expended, a nutritional supplement usually takes care of the problem. It is best to have the person thoroughly examined by a physician to rule out any medical problems before introducing a supplement.
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