27 Sep 2009
Dear Mary,
What I thought would be a fun experience turned into a frustrating event. I took my eighty-four year old mother to a lovely new restaurant for lunch with some of my friends. She rarely goes out so I thought this would be enjoyable for her. Throughout the meal she was quiet and wanted to leave as quickly as possible. She told me to order for her and, when I did, she wasn’t happy with the choice. This behavior was opposite of normal. She is usually happy and loves company. Can you enlighten me about what went wrong?
Dear Reader,
There could be many reasons for why she acted as she did: she may have had difficulty reading the menu or been bothered by noise; she may have fretted over “where’s the bathroom” or “how much is this costing”? She may have been unable to follow the conversation. What ever the reason, you have learned a good lesson. Your mother likes to entertain but doesn’t care to be entertained. Next time, bring a meal to her and enjoy one-on-one time.
Dear Mary,
I’ve been reading that social engagement is important for healthy aging so how do I get my father out of the house without an argument? He is wasting away in his apartment and has no desire to see other people. His wife died more than a year ago and I understand his need to grieve however, I think that by now he should be over it and want to get back into the social scene. He is only seventy-nine. What can I do?
Dear Reader,
There is no time-line for grieving but after a while depression can set in that immobilizes the person. Your father needs a complete medical and psychological exam and treatment as needed. Please make an appointment today.
Dear Mary,
I visited my father recently and I’m concerned about the sixteen different medicines he is taking for various ailments. They are prescribed by different doctors and filled at different pharmacies. He says each doctor is treating a specific ailment and he shops around for the best price at local pharmacies. I’d like to think that his doctors know what each one of them is prescribing. How do I found out?
Dear Reader,
Your father’s situation is not uncommon. Polypharmacy, the use of many medications, is a big problem in the older population. The best way to control the situation is to keep the primary physician informed every time a new prescription is ordered. It is also important that a current written list of medicines be maintained and brought it to each doctor appointment.
Shopping around for the best price is also common, something I do myself. Ideally it is best to use one pharmacy. Each time a prescription is filled the computer compares it to current medications and warns the pharmacist of incompatibility. The pharmacist can also be used to consult with as he or she is the expert when it comes to medication.
There are free web based medication management systems available that alert users of medication interactions, notify them when prescriptions need to be refilled or renewed, and send reminders to take them. Intelecare.com is one but you can find many by searching the internet.
Dear Readers,
The Anne Arundel County Department of Aging and Disabilities’ fall dementia series of workshops has begun. They are being held at all seven Senior Activity Centers at various times. All caregivers, whether family or professional, are invited to attend this free series. Professional caregivers will receive a certificate of attendance. I’m delighted to be presenting them again this year and look forward to seeing you. Please call 410-222-4464 ext. 3043 to register or register on line at www.aacounty.org/aging/needingcare/compcaregiver.cfm.
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