Dear Mary,
A beautician comes into the nursing home one day a week where I work. On these days residents start lining up in their wheelchairs an hour before she arrives and by the time she gets here the line winds all the way down the hall. They are reluctant to leave even to go to the bathroom for fear of losing their place. Most of the staff finds this comical, but I think it’s sad that such a small thing means so much. I read your column faithfully and would like your thoughts on this.
Dear Reader,
How better to feel good about ourselves than to be touched by a nurturing sole who asks “how are you today?” and fusses over our appearance? Those few precious moments provided to your residents empower them with a sense of self-worth they rarely feel. In the field of geriatric aesthetics its part of what is called “healthful grooming”. Many long-term care residents are starved for attention, especially a loving touch. Due to a heavy workload, activities of daily living are accomplished quickly and touching becomes task oriented. Residents feel unimportant and withdraw into themselves becoming depressed, less interested in their appearance, and experience declining health.
Healthful grooming should be a goal for all staff members. It focuses on recognizing both physical and emotion needs using a person-centered approach. Bathing for example can be a relaxing pleasurable experience when staff takes the time to compliment residents on positive traits like eye color or soft skin and meet their needs for tenderness, warmth, and modesty. Just acknowledging their uniqueness make them feel worthy and socially alive.
Please pass this information along to your co-workers.
Dear Mary,
My husband has Parkinson’s disease with dementia and sometimes I get so angry I cry. He needs a lot of assistance and it seems as soon as my back is turned he tries to do something he’s no longer capable of doing. He’s falling a lot and I’m sure the paramedics are tired of my calling them for help. I’m exhausted from lack of sleep and have thoughts of putting him in a facility. This makes me feel so guilty and sad. I do have a girl coming in to help two days a week for a couple of hours each day. Do you have any words of wisdom that can help me?
Dear Reader,
Guilt is the big “G” word that burdens all caregivers but isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It helps put on the breaks for impulsive decision-making and enables us to empathize. When guilt becomes the dominating force in life, however, it ceases to be beneficial. At this point it interferes with rational thinking and threatens harm.
Knowing when to let go isn’t easy. Each person’s threshold for tolerance differs from the next. Two major signs that signal it is time are health and safety - of caregiver and/or care-receiver. Your letter tells me you are both at risk and changes need to be made.
From where I’m sitting, I see two possible solutions to your problem: hire enough in-home help to meet you and your husband’s needs or find a qualified facility. It will help to have an objective person, like a trusted relative or friend, assist you in making the decision. Remember, that no matter which way you go, your decision doesn’t have to be permanent; but please give it enough time to work. At first you may feel annoyed having people constantly in your home, and your husband will be confused by a move and ask to go home - all this is normal. Be patient and trust that things will work out.
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