21 Jun 2009
Dear Mary,
I’ve been trying to keep in touch with my Aunt who is in a nursing home. She has Alzheimer’s disease and when I call, she refuses to come to the phone. And yet, when I have the opportunity to visit, she’s angry that I never call her. She no longer has a phone in her room because she was using it to call her sons to take her home at all hours of the day and night. Now, to speak to her, I have to call the nurses’ station and tell someone to bring her to the phone. I’m told they try but she won’t come. I’ve heard from other relatives that she does the same thing to them. What can I do to get her to talk on the phone? I’m so frustrated with her right now I could scream.
Dear Reader,
I understand, and, scream if you want, but please don’t scream at her. Alzheimer’s disease is disrupting her ability to remember, understand, and do things in order. When a staff member tells her she has a phone call, she’s not sure what to do. In a “normal” environment, the sound of the phone ringing cues a person to answer it. Since she doesn’t hear the cue, she doesn’t know how to respond to the command to answer the phone. Even with an escort, she may balk, because short-term memory impairment hinders her ability to know where she is being taken and why.
My suggestion is to mail her cards with short messages and tell the staff to post them on her bulletin board. When you visit you can read them to her and assure her you are thinking of her. If she tries to engage you in an argument, say “I’m sorry” and then change the subject. Come prepared with pictures or other activities she would enjoy and use them as distractions.
Dear Mary,
I would like to thank you for the years of support that you have provided to me and my husband, through your lectures, classes and support groups. The support that was provided through the Area Agency on Aging and others was amazing. We are very fortunate to have such a great team around us. I never realized what we truly had until I had to use it. Dad passed away the end of March and things that I learned through you and others made this time a little easier. Through your teachings I feel that I gave my Dad all that I could and made his final years more pleasurable for him and our family.
Thanks again for the service that you provide and many blessings to you.
Dear Reader,
Please accept my sincere condolences on the death of you father; and thank you for your kind words.
Dear Mary,
My family is in turmoil regarding our father. He is living alone and some of us want him to go to an assisted living while others think it’s perfectly okay to leave things as they are. He has plenty of money but won’t spend it on his care. Instead, he writes checks in response to every solicitation he receives in the mail. One side of the family says it’s his money and he can do what he wants with it; while the other thinks it’s urgent that someone gain financial power of attorney. I’ve looked into guardianship but it’s an arduous process and I know there will be much resistance. Do you have any suggestions?
Dear Reader,
Have you thought about mediation services? A mediator can help the family see the whole picture and arrive at an appropriate agreement. Please call Community Mediation Maryland at 1-800-826-2262 for information.
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