2 Oct 2008
Dear Readers,
I would like to take a moment to share with you a couple of tidbits I heard from caregivers. A support group member told me she desperately needed a vacation that wasn’t going to happen any time soon. So, she did the next best thing and treated herself to a “staycation”. She spent a weekend holed up in her room playing computer games. When Monday came, she said she felt like a whole new person.
Another caregiver felt it was her responsibility to care for her husband no matter what. Hiring help made her feel guilty until she heard the definition of responsibility from a dear friend, “Responsibility is not doing it all. It is the ability to respond”. These wise words put her role in perspective and she was able to give up tasks that weighed her down.
Caregiver wellness is most important. You have heard me say it before, but I’ll repeat it again: You must take care of you, so you can take care of them.
Dear Mary,
I hope you don’t mind me venting to you. My brother brought our mother home from the hospital yesterday after a four day stay. She had been admitted with a mild heart attack. I went over last night to check on things and make sure he had picked up all her prescriptions. Well, sure enough he did, but the directions on the labels said take once or twice a day “as directed”. What does that mean? I called the pharmacist who said Mother must have received specific information before being discharged. I asked my brother and he said she was dressed and ready to go when he arrived and the nurse had just left the room. He didn’t know he was supposed to ask questions! I called the hospital and was told my mother had signed off on the discharge instructions that she had understood them. Mary, she has a diagnosis of early dementia with short term memory loss which was on her chart. Wouldn’t it make sense in a case like this for a family member to be present to hear the discharge instructions? Now I have to track someone down to explain them to me.
Dear Reader,
I would like to think this is an isolated case but I, too, experienced the same scenario recently with an elderly family member. This person was discharged with many new medicines including Coumadin, a powerful blood thinner that must be taken each day at the same time. All the written prescriptions noted how many times a day each was to be taken and then “as directed”. I questioned him about his discharge instructions and he said he was so excited to leave that he really didn’t pay attention. He just signed what ever he was told to sign.
I know hospitals are busy places, but having a family member present at discharge is extremely important especially when it comes to frail older adults. Hospital readmission is high in the elderly population with medication non-compliance and side-effects being two of the greatest risk factors. Studies have shown that comprehensive discharge planning that includes caregivers as team members can decrease the rate of readmission significantly.
Dear Mary,
I’m a discouraged caregiver. I’ve taken care of my eighty-seven year old mother for three years and have never heard her say “thank you”. She is a self-centered person which seems to have gotten worse with age. Am I expecting too much from her?
Dear Reader,
Yes. To expect that her personality will change now is not realistic. As I see it, you have two options: either continue giving as you have and remain resentful; or, provide to her lovingly without expectations and praise yourself for the good person you are for doing it. I vote for option number two.
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