The immortal Erma Bombeck wrote the book If Life is a Bowl of Cherries what am I Doing in the Pits? Her humorous look at life’s ups and downs brings true meaning to the saying ‘attitude is everything’. We have all chewed on a fair amount of pits along the way and it is the foolish person who thinks they never will - just ask a caregiver.

Caregivers are remarkable people doing a job they never imagined. Most come into it unexpectedly with neither tools nor a handbook. They learn through experience to spit out the pits of distress and enjoy the sweet flesh; becoming adept at savoring the flavor and hanging onto loving memories.

Cherries abound in caregivers’ everyday lives whether it is Mom wearing her bra over her blouse or a husband using the flower pot as a urinal. I have heard many a caregiver story and am always heartened by their sense of wisdom and humor. Granted, the humor of a situation isn’t always realized until later. During one of my workshops a woman in the group had a revelation about the cause of her husband’s shocking behavior. They had traveled to a seaside resort and were relaxing from a long journey when he got up and started checking all the doors and windows. He opened the sliding door and walked out to the balcony. She didn’t think much of his action until she saw him urinating over the railing and heard a ruckus from below. She now understands that he had been looking for a bathroom and couldn’t find it. We laughed with her at the mental image of her reaction but she said it wasn’t so funny when the police arrived! This brave woman could have chewed on the pit of embarrassment but chose to spit it out and enjoy the juicy fruit of humor.

A veteran caregiver told me the story of her father. He had always been a proud man in full control of every situation; traits that didn’t make him a very warm person. In the final stage of dying from Alzheimer’s disease he gave her a gift she will never forget. By allowing her to feed him, comfort him, and nurture him she felt a connection that she had never felt before. The memory now makes her smile and gives her peace. Although the bitter pit of losing her father was unpleasant, the sweet nectar of the gift was, and still is, delicious.

Not long ago I lost a dear friend to cancer who struggled to survive while caring for her elderly mother. She had her good and bad days but always kept her sense of humor. One evening she called me to vent her frustration with trying to keep her mother on track - she was packing for them to go to a wedding. During our conversation her mother descended the staircase clad in nothing but a pair of pantyhose and asked her daughter if she thought they matched her outfit. My friend didn’t miss a beat. She whistled and said, “Yes, mother they’re nude, they match just fine. My friend could have focused on the pit of frustration but chose instead to enjoy the sweet flavor of absurdity.