The Capital newspaper feature article about Mary
23 Nov 2007
Rule No. 1 for Alzheimer's caregivers: Maintain sense of humor
The county's Department of Aging holds workshops on recognizing Alzheimer's Disease and Dementia. The workshops help caregivers understand, communicate and manage a dementia-affected loved one.
But, according to Mary Fridley of Gero-Resources, some seniors are reluctant to attend. They don't want to admit they've succumbed to something as mundane as growing old. And often, for middle-aged caregivers, it's hard to ask for assistance in managing the affairs of once-indestructible parents.
"A lot of caregivers can't get to the workshops. They're too busy earning a living and caring for elderly parents and young kids," said Mrs. Fridley. She's hoping they'll take the time to attend one of her Fall Caregivers Workshops.
Workshop dates that remain this year in the county:
ArnoldSeniorCenter - 6:30 to 8:30 p.m. Monday
MarylandCityActivityCenter - 1 to 3 p.m. Tuesday and Dec. 4.
Some workshops have been titled "The Truth and Nothing but the Truth," which covers the cause, effect and current research for prevention and treatment of various dementias and Alzheimer's disease. Others are called "Who's On First," which teaches practical tips about how to communicate effectively and manage unpleasant behaviors.
In another workshop "Mission NOT Impossible," Mrs. Fridley teaches how to successfully prevent or manage disturbing behaviors without losing your cool.
To register for these workshops, or to get a schedule of additional workshops, call 410-222-4464.
It's not uncommon to find baby boomers who now have parents over age 80 who need more than someone to play bridge with. Rather, they need someone to trust. They need help with every issue, from where they are going to live their final years, how to handle all the legal paperwork that is intertwined in their daily lives, and what wear to bed.
The statistics show the prevalence of Alzheimer's disease:
For seniors over 65 years of age, 13 percent have Alzheimer's; of those over 85 years of age, 50 percent have the disease. Most have no memory of who they are or who their children are.
According to the Alzheimer's Association, every 72 seconds someone in the U.S. develops Alzheimer's. They don't have to be a member of AARP, or a senior citizen or someone's grandparent. People in their 30s, 40s and 50s also succumb to the disease.
In Maryland, there are 500,000 informal or unpaid caregivers who are family members or friends of people with Alzheimer's, Mrs. Fridley said. The caregivers provide 554 million hours of care each year. Nationwide, there are 27.2 million caregivers, providing 29 billion hours of care a year, valued at $257 billion.
The cost to business is already huge, she said. "Nationwide, $36.5 billion was the cost of lost time when an employee had to stay home with an elderly parent."
Mrs. Fridley, 57, was widowed several years ago when her husband, returning from a golfing trip in (Ireland) with friends, collapsed and died of a massive heart attack at (Shannon) Airport. He was 51.
A native of Liberty, N.Y., she moved to Crofton in 1984 and raised the couple's three children, now grown. After her husband's death in 2002, she moved to Annapolis - as they had planned.
"I can't imagine retirement," said Mrs. Fridley, a registered nurse who is board certified in gerontology. "My passion is educating caregivers." She accomplishes that through her company, Gero-Resources, and via her weekly advice column for caregivers published in The Capital.
She has more than two decades in the geriatric health field. "I'm really passionate about what I do," the grandmother of three enthused. "I started my own business in 1998. Before that, I was with the Department of Aging doing assessments of seniors to see what services they needed."
Her first job after earning her nursing degree was in a nursing home just down the street from her family home. She had grown up around the elderly. "If I have dementia someday, I want my kids to put me in assisted living," she said. "They will be uncomfortable, but they have to understand I will be safe. They either have to bring someone in to help me or take me someplace where I will be helped."
"You can't take them to an assisted living residence if they are competent - the law won't let you. You have to do 'watchful waiting' until a catastrophe happens," she said.
Mrs. Fridley believes that just as smoking, unhealthy eating habits and lack of exercise are bad for the heart - they are also bad for the brain. "Whatever you're doing to your heart, you're doing to your brain. It is filled with blood vessels, just like the heart."
Socializing, she feels, slows the progression of Alzheimer's and dementia. "That's why senior centers are so important," Mrs. Fridley emphasized.
Her No. 1 rule for caregivers is: "Keep your sense of humor. If you don't have one, find one. Life is ridiculous. If you can't laugh, you'll cry. If you're depressed, you're at risk for Alzheimer's."
She pointed out seniors with Alzheimer's or dementia are not children. "They exhibit childlike behavior, though. In stages one to three, their cognitive ability ranges from 12 years to age zero. They have poor judgment, lack impulse control, are obstinate and resist doing what they're asked to do.
The nerve cells in their brains are not functioning, and they can't do abstract thinking, just concrete thinking. Instead of thinking ahead about what outcome will be and controlling the process, all they know is 'in the moment.' If they want something, it's in the moment."
Rule No. 2, she said: "Never argue! You will lose. If they look at a sky and say it's orange, is it really necessary to argue?"
Rule No. 3: Caregivers have to have financial and health powers of attorney, plus a health care advance directive.
There is hope. A "promising new drug is in the human trials phase. It's called Alzhmed and will hit the market in three to five years," she said. Mrs. Fridley predicts that, though it won't work for everyone, it will make a marked difference in those for whom it is effective.
Published 11/23/07, Copyright © 2007 The Capital, Annapolis, Md.
Wendi Winters
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